Thursday's Thoughts

First off, my apologies. After reading the day away Monday (literally! see what I was reading here), the rest of the week has gotten away from me. I leave on a week vacation on Friday, worked three days (including today), played chauffeur, felt guilty about not going forward with the Clean Sweep project, felt guilty while my VERY NICE friend, Emily, worked with my daughter yesterday and today to go forward with the Clean Sweep project, and thought/talked/prayed through some family decisions. In all of that, I've not taken the time to read and comment on other blogs, to respond to comments here, nor post interesting things to read. So, my apologies. I promise I will get there and will be going back to respond to everyone.

Do you ever wonder what you want to be when you grow up? I mean, since you've been an adult and are supposed to know what you are doing with your life? Since I graduated from college, I've been a service engineer, field test engineer, technical writing manager, technical customer service technician, a manager, a stay-at-home-mom, a child and family photographer, a recruiter, and an integrator. I'm 38. You'd think by now I would know which of these things I want to be. Which I am supposed to be. What God wants me to be.

Ah, but there's the rub. Over the last years I have not studied God's word regularly. I don't pray regularly. I am very good at the 'pop-up' prayers, thanking Him for traffic breaks, for my kids and their quirks, for the flexibility of my job. But I don't spend time talking and listening. And I think that's my problem. In fact, I know it is. God has a plan for me. He's constantly knocking on my head trying to get my attention. I don't purposely ignore him, at least I don't think so. But I don't make the time. Instead I read the paper, read a book, blog, eat, talk to friends, clean (nah!).

So, God's been knocking harder and I've been trying to listen. Maybe I'll be able to figure out what's next in my life - will I actually figure out what I'm supposed to do forever and ever? Or will I just know what to do today and tomorrow? I'm guessing that I'm not ready to know the forever part, so He'll just let me know the today part. And I'm okay with that. Because I want to be listening every day. And both God and I know I won't if He gives me too much info ahead of time.

Wonder what I'll be when I grow up?